Sunday, June 3, 2012

If/Then: The Real Meaning Behind June Nonsense in High Schools

They don't happen in my current school, but these things happen often -and they have a particular way of happening in June. I thought I'd post them now to help you gain some perspective on the June nonsense.

-If an administrator says 'this isn't happening just at our school you know, it's happening all over the system' , then it's happening just at your school.

-If your principal says 'Our budget for next year is horrible' then next year's budget is just fine.

-If a guidance counselor suddenly remembers your name, then (s)he probably just wants you to reverse a student grade

-If the main office suddenly and surprisingly makes a big deal about your latenesses, or grades (or call logs, or attendance, or anything else that actually doesn't matter all too much at this point in the year), then they're probably just looking to get you to agree to a crappy program for next year, or to a grade change (or some other equally crummy thing that clearly goes against your rights as a union member).

-If an AP (or P) suddenly treats you like you're an idiot, then there's a fairly good chance that the person is a moron -and was a moron the whole while (this is true the whole year, but more more evident in June).

-If your chapter leader says 'Look, I did the best I could do', what (s)he really saying is 'Look. You got screwed. Please just let me finish my TunaFish sandwhich in peace'.

-If an otherwise sane  friend or colleague suddenly becomes mean and cruel, or gets very cranky, it's probably because someone in the main office made a sudden and surprisingly big deal about their lateness or attendance or ... ok you get the point.

-If it seems like the entire staff has suddenly gone crazy in the middle of the day, it's probably because the entire staff has gone crazy in the middle of the day (this one is also contagious in June, so just keep your head down and try to stay away from the Zombie Apocalypse).

-If students -whom you've never seen before- suddenly start showing up to that 9th period Music Appreciation class you're teaching, it's probably because they want a mercy grade (I know. You knew that. But did you also know there's a VERY good chance that the guidance counselor sent them there with specific instructions that sound something like 'you go to the class I'll talk to Mr. X about giving you another chance.'? Ha!)

-If you feel lik you're being pressured to change grades, it's because you're being pressured to change grades. No it's got nothing to do with whatever excuse the main office has made up for you to be potentially in trouble. It's about changing grades for AYP (and if you did your job to begin with, just grow a pair and say no to the whole thing).

-If someone walks the building mumbling about how teachers are the problem, then they're probably A) The problem B) have been part of the problem the whole while in ways you'll never know and C) are about to cause a problem.

(This is totally unrelated, BUT) Check your minutes (you get 3 hours and 25(ish)  minutes to be late each year). If possible, BE LATE at least once during Regents Week. You owe yourslef that extra cup of coffee in the morning :D

Anything I missed?

1 comment:

  1. Hahaha, wow, these are hilarious and on point. Keep it up.